new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
