dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
