He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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