Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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