sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
