You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
