and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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