Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
