We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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