Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
