Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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