Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
