the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Dignity is for republicans.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Randomize
