you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
