I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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