I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
