Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize