Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize