I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
