your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
