My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
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Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
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I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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