He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize