I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Found your dick twin last night
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
