thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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