right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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