Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
