Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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