Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize