You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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