I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
