You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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