I skipped work to stalk him.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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