I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
"it" just moved
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
