this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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