If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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