he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
