i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
