Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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