awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
