if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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