And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
