You can't motorboat a personality
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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