How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
