remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
