we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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