i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize