she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
