Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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