there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
