I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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