The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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