i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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