is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
