I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
