two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
