My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Farmville is her only friend.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
