I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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