i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
