He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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