you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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