I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
